Please Happy

1. Mustaches are sexy.

2. Growing them is back in style. Though there are men like Grandpa Whaley who have always had one.

3. Some folks grow them for children’s social and medical service organizations.

4. Some folks grow them during the month of March for a charity of their choice.

5. Girls who are jealous of the facial hair or just like dressing in drag can buy stick-ons in a variety of shades and sizes (in my case, introduced by Rachel Lauren Marie Stevens, the girl with the two coolest middle names ever)

Yes, they’re a little child-molester-drives-a-scary-white-van creepy, but seriously, when you think about the awesome people with mustaches and how so totally rad and hot they all are (Tom Selleck, Chuck Norris, Salvador Dali, Wilford Brimley and the cop from the Village People) it’s nearly impossible not to want one.

If the I’m Growing This Mustache for a Needy Child doesn’t work on the babes in your town, come to Jackson. I know several mountain women who’ll dance, swoon and/or make out with you.

Just flash the ’stache.